Though a stressful film to watch at times, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You boasts excellent acting from Byrne, great cast, and a tight script.
Linda (Rose Byrne) is a working therapist and a mother dealing with all manner of crises all at once. Her daughter requires special medical attention and sleeps hooked up to a machine via a (comically long) tube, her husband’s away on a work trip, her clients are, let’s just say, difficult, oh, and an enormous hole has opened up in her ceiling, flooding her entire home, forcing her to move into a nearby motel.
Every aspect of the film is designed to heighten that sense of stress, pulling the audience deeper and deeper into a growing tension headache (I should note that I mean this as a compliment). Every argument she gets in, and there are many, reaches a feverish pitch, and they get progressively more heated as the movie goes on. A minor fender bender sounds like a 20-car pile-up. The camera is right in Byrne’s face as it contorts, trying to convince people she is okay and unbothered when she is clearly not.
Her daughter is unable to make the weight goals set by her doctor (played by Bronstein herself). She refuses to eat leaving Linda feeling helpless and unable to control her life. Her child, often fussing, has her face hidden for most of the film, and her husband is initially only heard on the phone, reducing the two of them to off-screen stressors beating down on her sanity. It certainly doesn’t help that her husband casually dismisses all of her problems. All the while, she has to deal with a client who is absolutely terrified of motherhood (and more like Linda than she realizes) and another who is openly attracted to her.
As anxiety-inducing as the film can be, it’s not without some levity. Byrne’s always been great at physical comedy, and seeing her, defeated, knocking back a de-cheesed slice of pizza is a joy, as is A$AP Rocky as James, the concerned neighbor a few doors down. Linda also receives therapy from her own coworker, played by Conan O’Brien, who is absolutely fed up with her.
There’s a morbid sense of humor on display throughout the film (a hamster scene that I won’t spoil had the audience cackling), and a bit of magical realism as well. The hole, mysterious and improbable as it seems, is definitely real to everyone in the film, but the things Linda sees within it may not be.
While everyone around her is piling on, Linda is not an entirely innocent party either, often escalating issues farther than they need to go, seemingly always willing to turn the dial to 10 anytime she feels backed into a corner. At times, she seems hell-bent on burning every bridge available to her, and Byrne is able to maintain that level of intensity without ever seeming cartoonish.
It can be a hard film to watch at times, depending on your own tolerance for stress, but excellent acting from Byrne, a tight script, and great casting make If I Had Legs a well-written, stress-inducing delight and one of the more unique viewing experiences of TIFF 2025.
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